I'm never gonna win this. But I'm not giving up just yet. 2 months isn't short nor long but its enough, enough for this. 

Fight

There's a point in life when you struggle, when you're on the verge of giving up on something you longed for... a point in life when you're fighting for something/someone which to you, is everything.

I have to admit, I didn't fight enough. all because I know you'll be there for me, regardless. But I forgot that you're only human.... sorry, I thought you were everything wonderful.

I know you deserve better, you know you deserve better. but I thought love conquers all odds? why are you giving up on me.

I'll be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. Because deep down, I was still hoping that you'd let me fight for us. Can anyone tell me, how am I supposed to fight for something when its no longer there.

At least my endless before-bed-time struggle has finally come to a conclusion.

Happy 33th, my love.

Annoyed.

Ok, so I've got this call from a guy two days ago... a married guy with kids to be exact.

Fill you guys in more about this erm, person.

He's my friend's mentor or something like that. He sent me a friend's request on fb last year I guess, but I rejected his friend's request. Well, reason being, one I DONT KNOW HIM and two, I DONT KNOW HIM. All I know is that he's my friend's mentor or someone she/he looked up to, THATS ALL. I've NEVER met him, or even communicate to him in ANY way. Maybe my friend did mention about me once or twice to him but thats all. so anws, after the immediate rejection, he fb message me, telling me more about him and yadah yadah stuff. Then I was like " HELLO SIR ISNT IT CLEAR ENOUGH THAT I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND OR TO EVEN KNOW YOU BETTER?? ". so being already annoyed by his forever on-going introduction about himself, me being annoyed, I just replied him a "fuck off". I don't know if its the generation gap or what but the hell, he didn't stop la. he continued blabbering about his nonsense that I'm rude and all. like hello, isn't it obvious that I don't want to be friends with you when I rejected your friend's request? AND you're harassing me la OMG. fucking annoying. the thought of it can make me kill. ok so i thought that was that.

but a year later.........
BOOBSMXCS

ok so two days back, I was having lunch with jiaqi then some anonymous number called. I don't usually pick up unknown numbers but I dont know what got into me then and I decided to pick that call.

Person: " Hi this is Jo?"
Me: "say what?"
Person: "Is this Jo?"
Me: "erm, this is Joelyn speaking"
Person: "oh hi I'm (his name)"


In my head I'm like DAFUQ. HOW HE GOT MY NUMBER. but I decided to be nice and replied him in the nicest manner I could. I swear I would win Miss Nice 2012. He was telling me about my friend being all sad and stuff and want me to go over to find my friend to make sure that my friend won't do silly stuff. He WANTS me to accompany my friend. But i told him that I couldnt because I'll be having my lectures soon (NOT LYING). Despite so, he kept insisting and telling me about my friend's issue that I've NEVER heard my friend mention about. IRRITATING MUCH.

HELLO PERSON. My friend decided to turn to you so why did you even call me? I believed that my friend had reasons why he/she turned to you and not me. If she/he needed my help she/he would have called me PERSONALLY, told me about her/his issues ON HER/HIS OWN ACCORD and asked me go to over if he/she needs company. If she/he did that, I'd be MORE THAN WILLING to do it. But thing is, he/she DIDNT. So for fuck you telling me about her/his problems that I've never hear her/him telling me about? If you're SO afraid of her/him having silly intentions then why don't you head down to school and find her/him instead? WHY CALL ME? You think I have the time for your nonsense? Fuck, you're at least 20 years older than me can't you fucking think?!

After hanging the damn phone, he whats app me. asking me to go over to accompany my friend. Sorry my man but I don't buy your story. I fucking wanted to give him a sarcastic "Don't worry, God will protect my friend" reply because I WAS THAT MAD.  he's a believer in Christ. (fyi I mean no offense to anyone. Having a faith in god is good, keeps the soul alive but I was really mad at him) BUT I DIDNT. See, told you I could have win Miss Nice 2012 given my character.

I didn't asked my friend about her/his erm... "condition". Not that I don't care but c'mon .. if he/she wants to tell me, he/she would have already told me. Besides..  I was whatsapp-ing her/him in the morning and she/he seemed fine to me. Dont get the sudden "condition" that the person mentioned.

Seriously... _l_  to you. You don't have any, not even a tiny bit of respect from me. I swear I'll make sure you get so fucked if you ever try to contact me again. DISGUSTING BEING. STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE EEWWWW.

More than this.

I'm broken, do you hear me?
I'm blinded, cos' you are everything I see.

I'm dancing, alone. 

I'm praying, that your heart would just turn around.

And as I walk up to your door

My heart turns to face to floor 

I can't look you in the eyes and say

..

I can love you more than this.